Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Translated to Chinese By: Korea Version Mischievous Kiss
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Thursday, February 13, 2014
Translated to Chinese By: Korea Version Mischievous Kiss
This is ridiculous! Getting married at 21 years old? Mom, I beg that you stop interfering my life. Mom is the reason why I hid my feelings for Ha Ni till now. I still don't have the power to stop Mdm Hwang Geum Hee enthusiasim towards Ha Ni. Plus,I'm the one who mention about getting married. There's nothing I can say anymore. I should have just say we'll try dating. Why did I say about getting married? And now it turns out this way!
Just by the thought of the past when I was being tortured by my Mom...it's not funny at all. Even if I have to force myself I still couldn't.
Look here, look there. Have to do as what others ask me to is not me, Baek Seung Jo's style. This is the moment that I really want to run away from. There's really a lot of things after getting into Medical School, but this two women have to make my life so difficult. Indeed. The path towards being an adult is complicated and dangerous. Can't it be more simple? I really couldn't understand those women who have to make the even so complicated and grand.
“Won't be able to accommodate you even after we got married?”
Seung Jo-ah...why? You are the one who says that you like me and want to get married with me. Love is for two persons to look for our similarities. Love is about accomodating. That's it. Right now. Even saying things like this! Is this what you wish for? This is all you can give? So I still can't expect anything from you. If what I'm getting in the end is disappointment, the so-called love...so I still can't expect anything. The so-called love...how much I long for you....Egoistic Baek Seung Jo, I hate you!!
To Ha Ni who have always been accommodating to me no matter how stubborn I am. I still said things like “I'm full of regret now, but it's still not too late to think about it!”
The depress look on Ha Ni is making my heart broke. Indeed, it's difficult for someone like me to explain things properly. I always knew that no matter when I were to say things like this, it will make Ha Ni feels sad.
I just dislike all the formality that takes so much time and just don't like my Mom to interfere with my life. Ha Ni was also got involved suddenly in this. She must have felt more lost than me. But I still went my anger on her. Even if it's difficult, but I just have to express my true feelings to Ha Ni will do.
Because she already have met the me, who will feel frustrated but will also be able to smile and live my life.
Love requires practice right? That way to say things that is embarrasing. The way that are able to express my true feelings. When comes to love, any genius is clumsy. Just when I was thinking about doing something for Ha Ni to comfort her, I thought of Ha Ni's Mom and Grandma. Both who left Ha Ni behind when she's still so young must be in pain. Looking at father-in-law sitting all alone in the dark restaurant, it's just felt heavy as if I saw a big stone. The feeling of a man like father-in-law having to send off his only daughter, how unwilling and lonely will it feel? How lonely will it be to be without his wife.
Under the blue sky, even a place like this is full of green. In this land without giving and taking, everything is quiet and peaceful. Here to a place that all pain and sorrow are left behind. Greeting Mom and Grandma. First time meeting you. Mom, Grandma, will you accept me? Mom, I will protect her. Regardless of illness, sorrow or hardships...will always be by her side to protect her. Mom, thank you for giving birth to Ha Ni, allowing her to come to my side. For her to inherit your passion, thank you.
No matter how cram, she's still able to come by my side a step at a time. Because of Ha Ni's never-give-up will, I finally understood that she's a woman that really deserves to be loved. We will definetely be blessed. Living each day doing our best.
Grandma, thank you for telling Ha Ni such beautiful things. Being happy and bringing happiness to others. When I was still hesitating, this words become very important key in my life. Here, I'll accept your blessing and thank you for bestowing Ha Ni to me.
Mom, Grandma, I'm getting married. Saw it? This is the person I love. He's handsome, does well in everything. He's a wonderful husband. Although at times he will make me feel sad, but he also makes me feel absolute happiness.
Seung Jo-ah, thank you. Thank you for comforting the pain in me that even I start to forget about. I think I will forget Mom's face, Grandma's face. I always worried that if I forget, Mom and Grandma will also forget about me. So I always have to look at their photos before I go to bed. Thank you for comforting me. I'm really grateful that it's you. Baek Seung Jo, who is standing beside me. Very happy that you understand my pain.
That happy? Just because we are going to Jeju Island, you are so happy that you started jumping around me. So cute! I can't help but smile. Okay, keep smiling beside me.
Teasing you is really interesting. Teasing you slightly, you start to throw temper. But after a while, you'll start smiling again. Looking at your smile...gives me the feeling that I'm really alive. Great!
“Hyung, from my point of view, you should get married with someone like Oh Ha Ni. Both of you will be happy. Congrats!”
Yes, Eun Jo. Even you see it that way. Just like you said, Oh Ha Ni indeed foolish, but this fool is able to do many things that I'm not able to. She can read others' thoughts. She can get close to others very easily. She's not afraid to jump into the sea even she doesn't know how to swim. So I like Oh Ha Ni. 10% of her is enough to cover up all the blanks in me.
“Dad, thank you!”
“You can't cry. People will tease you tomorrow that you don't look nice!”
Through the smile that Dad managed after much difficulty, I can see Dad's tears in her eyes. The smile that Dad finally manage to garner. I think at this moment, he must be having a terrible time burying his thoughts for Mom.
Don't cry Oh Ha Ni. After losing his love, he still have to send his only daughter away. Isn't it too much to cry for someone who will be going to the side of her loved one? The reason for tearing is sorrow. So when I smile again, my heart is filled with unlimited amount of feelings made up of sorrow and happiness.
I will live well, don't worry about me.
Please don't blame yourself anymore for not able to give me more. Because Dad, you gave me the love that I'm not able to exchange for with everything in this world.
Me, Baek Seung Jo, vows to bride Oh Ha Ni.
Me, bride Oh Ha Ni, vows to groom Baek Seung Jo.
No matter under what circumstances, I will always love him, respect him. Also respecting elders, becoming the honest and reliable other half. The most important thing is, I will only love you. Living each day with happiness I have with you in my heart. Living each day with feeling thankful to you in my heart.
Oh Ha Ni, you even dropped the wedding ring! How stupid.
“Stop bullying me Baek Seung Jo. Second kiss is not at that time in the rain but it's at the resort isn't it? You can't really act.” Ha Ni's face suddenly brightened up.
Baek Eun Jo! How could you let out the secret! What are you doing, Oh Ha Ni? You are too daring. Adults are all around! Even so, I still very happy. This is the first time you initiated to kiss me.
Although filled by the laughter of our guests, face burning with embarrassement, but my heart warmed up slowly. Like a giant fragrance sachet exploding. Like how fragrance diffussed deep into your heart.
“I will work hard. Although I still have many shortcomings, but I will try my best to become a suitable wife to you.”
Ha Ni, you don't have to work hard for it. I like you the way you are. Although there are times you make me panic, times that I feel you are really absurd. But no matter how you are, you are still the one I like. I will fill up your shortcomings. As for my shortcomings, I hope you can fill it up for me. Please become the little part of me. The little part that is going straight into my heart now.
Silly Oh Ha Ni.
Drank the whole glass of wine and fell asleep. Our first night, there's so much to look forward to. How should we spend this sweet and happy night? Listen to music? Light the candle? Okay, so I'm the only one considering about all these...
Complain about headache once you woke up, not only making me speechless, also causing us not to be able to do anything, silly.
What's wrong with you? Other girl holding on to your husband like this and you are not going to do anything? Didn't you say you love me? Please be more proactive. I keep turning back to look for you. This girl who kept following me was really irritating!
But because I pity her useless husband, worried the atmosphere would turn bad, so I just let her be. But what's wrong with you? Chatting so happily with oher guy...
Oh Ha Ni, what are you doing now? Why? It's only a simple check up for patient. If you can't accept it, there's no way we can live together, you understand? If you always behave like this, how can we go on in future? There's still difference between female and male patient? It's really pointless jeolousy...
You think I don't have any pride? Why do you always have to embarrass me in front of others? Reproach me in front of that woman. There are times I don't know which path I should take. Actually you don't love me as much as I love you. It's so lonely to walk with someone like you. It's still better when the time of my one sided love. Without expecting anything, will feel happy just by looking at your back view. Seung Jo-ah, sometimes even when I look down on myself, I'm afraid that if I continue to expect anything from you, I will start to hate you. I'm really afraid.
So you are here.
Running out looked for you who cried and ran away. I already thrown all the anger away from my mind. Me, who are helpless when I comes to love have lost you. Now you must be crying somewhere alone. I searched for you frantically. There's really no way to spend a peaceful day. Naughty Oh Ha Ni. You silly girl. You still don't understand my feelings?
Ha Ni, sorry! I told myself during our wedding that I will not make you cry anymore. Because when I see your tears, it's as painful as throwing my heart into burning charcoal.
So, just smile. This is the only only reason that I will smile. You look prettiest when you are smiling. Once you smile, I'm willing to piggy back you round the world. When you smile, I'm willing to be an idiot for you.
Finally, there's only the two of us left. Why did I feel so nervous? Smelling your fragrance was making me giddy. Why was my heart thumping so fast? As though my whole body and heart were burning. Heat building up in my body.
You always make my heart races faster. As though the emerging spring water, as though a blown up balloon, my heart was being filled up.
Silly girl. Cute at times and pretty at times. Why do I like you? Not really that pretty nor cute. Why do I always miss you? What have you done to me? Why do I feel like I'm being poisoned by you. It's so solid and urgent. Things that I can see seems so shiny. Anything that I touch felt so good. I think this is because I love you.
Feels like the wind is laughing. Feels like the birds are laughing. I think these is because I love you. When I hugged your shoulder, I realized that you were trembling. I think this is because you love me. If you're no longer exist in this world, how am I going to live my life?
I waited too long for this moment. After much suffering, my heart races towards you. I opened the lips that you shut tightly because of being shy. Hugging you as though you are a reward to me. It felt so warm to be close to you. It's like I've been living here all along, perfect warmth. Not feeling unfamiliar at all. The love that makes us dizzy flowing between us, in this moonlit night. Without any words, we were able to feel each other blood racing.
What? Asked me to wait for a minute? I was not able to breathe for the past two nights. Only looking at the sleeping you, do you know how hard it was for me to suppress the hot blooded me?
Let us grow together. We...working hard.
My little Noah's snail. My Oh Ha Ni. Until the day you become a tree, till you are able to provide shade, till you are able to produce fruits.
Me who uses registration of marriage as reward was indeed a little annoying. But teasing you is really interesting. I couldn't stop it. If I were to surrender to you and Mom so easily, wasn't it a let down to my name of genius Baek Seung Jo? The invisible Baek Seung Jo won't surrender to you so easily. It would hurt my pride! Keke!
The thought of me living my life under the control of you and Mom is making me feel the agony. So I'm definitely not going to surrender. Love requires to have some regulator like this, fighting! My forever joy, Oh Ha Ni!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
(When she's going for school excursion, I helped her made kimbap. Her classmates all said that her mom was really good at cooking. Our Ha Ni couldn't bring herself to tell her classmates her mother is no longer around but she cried when she reached home. Seung Jo-ah, can you love her more on behalf of my wife?)
“She's very careless and silly at times.”
(There are certain things that are not convenient to tell her father. Many things I only found after it happened. So I always felt sorry towards Ha Ni. Seung Jo-ah, please care for her more. Sorry for falling in love with our not-outstanding Ha Ni and thank you for accepting all the shortcomings of Ha Ni.)
I felt the feeling of a father through his tears. Bearing the loneliness alone. Taking the responsibility to bring up the child all alone but still always worrying about not doing enough. I felt all these at that moment.
“Even so she's still very cheerful and if there's something that she thinks it's right, she will be determine to do it. This is why this kid is cute. I agree, because Ha Ni likes you very much!”
Thank you for approving us to be together. Maybe what Ha Ni has only that little but that's all that I'm lack of. Ha Ni who has everything that I'm lack of, I'll give her 100 marks for it. So, I will work hard.
Although I have no idea what is tacking from a father like you, but I will do my best to love her. Thank you once again for handing Ha Ni to me.
“Ha Ni, great, great! Baek Seung Jo, that's really awesome!”
Indeed that's Mom. Words from my mouth isn't the fact. Always understand other people's words in her own ways. But it's all because of Mom. Because of Mom, I always warn myself not to open my heart to others easily.
You always interfere my life as you wish. But today, I want to forgive you for everything. Because of you, I get to know Ha Ni. Also because of you, I'm able to face my true feelings about falling in love with Ha Ni, the thought of wanting her tight to me.
Hugging you in my arms carefully.
Keep smiling like this, your smile is like a lamp that brightens up my heart. My lover who is warm as spring, are you willing to use your smile to keep my warm no matter when or where?
“I'm just worried that when I wake up tomorrow, you will turn back into the cold Baek Seung Jo.”
“So, want to sleep together tonight?”
You want me to reconfirm for you, reconfirm my true feeling, reconfirm that all this is true and is not a dream.
“I really can't believe it...that you will like me!”
Actually, when the time that we both know nothing, the love have already started burning. The silly you who doesn't understand love, the silly me who doesn't understand love...
The thing you said tonight and your smile have already burnt into my heart. This is the first time I accept my true feeling. Also the first time that I met love.
Okay. I understand all your uneasiness. All these happen so suddenly. Till yesterday, I'm still so cold towards you, suddenly saying I like you today. But you silly girl, you just live to look at me closely, letting down all your self-conscious. Open your eyes and look closely at me, I think you will be able to feel it.
You will realize I'm doing everything that you want me to, I'm trying to fill up the missing parts in your life. Silly, although I'm also smiling like you. Thank you love, thank you for your long wait. Thank you for not giving up on me.
Thank you Yoon Hae Ra. To you, I don't want to apologize. Because I know you are really alike with me. Our alikeness makes me feel comfortable. But this comfortable feeling isn't enough to fill up what's missing in my life. I keep telling myself how compatible you are with me but whenever I think of you, it's like looking at myself in the mirror. All I can feel is a piece of cold glass when I put out my hand.
Sorry Bong Joon Gu. I know you have done a lot all these time for your love but I can't leave Ha Ni. She makes me angry,makes me smile. Sometimes, she makes me panic. She also makes me feel absurd at times, but that's what makes me feel that I'm really alive. Maybe for others, it's easy to feel it. But for me, the feelings are already buried deep in me. So deep that I don't even know it exists, till Ha Ni woke it up. Snatching Ha Ni who are really precious to you, I'm really sorry. But I will treasure her, protect her on behalf of you.
“What should I do? Academic points are not enough! I'm really not suitable for studying. Why not I just stop here?”
Looking at Ha Ni saying that she doesn't want to study anymore disappointed me a little.
“When all others around you are doing their best to study for their academic points, what are you doing? Have you thought about your future? Going to school without your brain everyday, that's why you even calculated wrongly. Causing the lack of it now!”
The kid who always do her best for everything, what happen to her? Maybe because of the worries, harsh words just came out of my mouth.
“So giving up studies just because of the lack of points? Someone like you, other than your will power, what else do you have? The Oh Ha Ni like this is not attractive at all!”
I only wanted to tell you, just work a little harder. Just try harder.
You said loudly, “I might be going to other guys!”
What? Other guys? I told you not to say you like other guys! Have you forgotten about it? Suddenly a gush of heat appeared.
You still have the courage? Bong Joon Gu? Or Sunbae? If you can go to other guys, can we still come so far? Isn't it because that no matter how hard we tried, we only have each other in our eyes that able us to come till this far? Coming to and fro like this so many times, and you still say things like that so easily...
“Up to you!” I said what I didn't mean and walked out.
Ha Ni didn't come home last night. Someone seems to have said before, if you love someone, you have to give up half of yourself. But I selfishly hope that I can keep the other half and say all the harsh words to you. Why can't I express myself properly in front of you?
Regrets and worries are making me not able to stay calm. It's okay, you have so many friends, definetely will be at one of their home. Must be. I can only comfort my tortured heart like this.
Couldn't call you. I could only keep staring at my phone. The image of you at a certain alley withstanding the cold weather keeps appearing in my mind and so my eyes keep looking out of the window unknowingly.
“Because you are not going to look for Ha Ni, even I also want to leave this house! But since it's already like this, just let us settle it ourselves, this is for Ha Ni's good. But...do you know? Feelings are not like an exam question that only have one answer although I myself doesn't know what is the correct answer.”
Yes Mom. I also have no idea what is the correct answer. I think Ha Ni doesn't know it as well. That's why she's so lost. But we still have to go look for it isn't it? If we are going to find out ourselves, we will have to put in effort. Can't give up no matter how hard it is, can't run away from it no matter how tiring it might be. This is suppose to be something Ha Ni is best at, Ha Ni's good point.
But recently, Ha Ni always only wants to rely on me. This is worrying me. I hope that it's not me pulling Ha Ni forward. I hope that we can both move forward side by side. I think Ha Ni will be able to figure out the answer soon. We shouldn't be in an unbalance relationship. We should be covering up for the stuff that either of us is lacking of, then bringing ourselves forward, isn't it?
So please Ha Ni. Please stay strong. Love yourself more. Be a little more independent!
(Below is the edited version of the part about Ha Ni running away from home. Written for those who couldn't understand Baek Seung Jo's feelings.)
[Note: This editted version is not by the scripwritter. It's just editted by the writter of the diary. This does not represent the idea of the original scripwritter. It's only the point of view of the author of this diary]
Ha Ni sitting alone under the lamp in the park. Bad guy Baek Seung Jo! I only wish that you can comfort me, saying 'Ha Ni, it's okay, just try harder' will do. Only need you to say that...
Seung Jo went after Ha Ni with her jacket, searching for Ha Ni. Seeing her sitting there, worried that she'll be cold and wanted to go over to put on her jacket for her. Ha Ni stood up suddenly and went off. Seung Jo can only follow behind her.
Seeing drunkards getting near to Ha Ni, Seung Jo was about to go over to protect her. But when he saw that even though Ha Ni is in shock but she's still looking around. He quickly hides behind a pillar.
Seung Jo: That's right Ha Ni. Don't be afraid. Just have to find the right path. You will definetely be able to do it!
Ha Ni suddenly walking away as if she thought of something. Seung Jo continues to follow her. Stars shine on both of them. Ha Ni who arrives home seems like she's in deep thought for the whole night, not being able to fall asleep.
Went out early in the morning without saying a thing. Seung Jo went into Ha Ni's room once he woke up but couldn't find Ha Ni there. Seung Jo quickly went downstairs to look for Ha Ni.
Seung Jo: Mom, where's Ha Ni?
Mom: She didn't come downstairs. Should be still in bed?
Seung Jo: She's not in her room!
Mom: Really? Where have she been so early? Is it because of your lecture last night she left the house?
This moment Ha Ni is already at the library. Table filled with books about future planning. Seung Jo who's worried for Ha Ni went around looking for her but still couldn't find her. She wouldn't answer her phone as well. Seung Jo who went right to Ha Ni's room once he got home but to find out that she's still not home.
Late at night, in order to wait for Ha Ni, Seung Jo walking to and fro outside their home. Seung Jo went to Ha Ni's room once the sun rise but she's still not back yet. Ha Ni went to the employment centre, listening to the reports about youth entrepreneurs. Seung Jo can only go look for her friends.
Seung Jo: You guys have any idea what have Ha Ni been doing recently?
Ju Ri: She didn't call us recently. You who are staying in the same house as her doesn't know, how would others have known?
Min Ah: Baek Seung Jo, last time it's Ha Ni looking for you everyday. Now it's your turn to look for her?
Seung Jo face turns red and walk away quickly. 'Oh Ha Ni, where are you?!'
Second day morning, Baek Seung Jo who still couldn't find Ha Ni stop eating anymore, place his spoon down and stood up.
Mom: You are not eating?
Seung Jo: No appetite.
Mom: Seung Jo-ah, lost your appetite because Ha Ni's not around?
Eung Jo: The two of them talking secretly at the balcony every night, now that Ha Ni's not around, Hyung looks like he's dying.
Mom: Really? Ha Ni, well done!!
Mom thought happily. Ha Ni is doing some character test on the computer, looking at the test result, Ha Ni nodding her head, keep making the 'hmmm' sounds!
Just then, a message came in, “I'm hungry, let's have lunch together!”
Ha Ni: Didn't meet for a few days, what has you got to lose to say 'I miss you'!
Another message came, “What were you doing these few days?”
Ha Ni: This means that he misses me right? Kekeke...silly!
Ha Ni walks towards the canteen full of smile. The two of them sitting side by side with coffee in their hands.
Ha Ni: Not asking me what was I doing for the past few days?
Seung Jo: Didn't I ask in the message?
Ha Ni: Does that mean that you miss me? Why does it seem so to me?
Seung Jo: Heard it, silly. Worried that you didn't have your lunch that's why I send you the message.
Seung Jo: What do you plan to do in future?
Ha Ni: Leaving you the past few days made me realize how childish I am. Making your life so difficult. Seems like I only think about myself.
Seung Jo: So have you decided after thinking through it?
Ha Ni: What do I really want to do, I really think about it for a long time. I read books, went to the employement centre, took the character test. But no matter how I think about it, I still want to do something that are able to assist you by your side, so I want to be a nurse!
Seung Jo: Seems like you not only thought about it, but also work very hard. So just do your best.
Seung Jo: Don't do this anymore. How many days have it been?
Ha Ni: You were saying you miss me? Right? I miss you too!
Seung Jo: I know. I know everything. I know you will come back to me like this, Oh Ha Ni!
Both of them walking hands in hands in the campus. Slowly there's only their voice can be heard.
Ha Ni: It's amazing that the character test I took tells me that nurse is very suitable for my character. Seems like it's a very suitable job for me! It's like the two of us were destined to be together!
Seung Jo: Really? Did it also says that you are very careless, and silly all that?
Ha Ni: No!
Seung Jo: Then maybe the result is wrong!
Ha Ni: Hey! (About to hit Seung Jo)
Seung Jo laughed and ran away. Till both their voices could not longer be heard.